Loving It All: Flourishing & Thriving - Being Well Being
Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, Environmentally & Socially.
Healthy brains & bodies. Healthy relationships. Healthy homes & communities.
How The Power Of Kindness Impacts Your Life And Others
Kindness is fundamental to the human existence. We are thrust into the world as newborns and enriched with the kindness of our parents’ nurturing for the ensuing years.
Humans are the only mammals with a prolonged gestation period. Other creatures rely on support for a brief time before becoming self-reliant. We are powerless at birth and depend on our caregivers to provide for our needs.
Therefore, kindness is sewn into the framework of our DNA. We are literally wired for kindness.
Benefits Of Kindness
Kindness releases feel-good hormones
Kindness can reduce anxiety
Kindness may help alleviate certain illness
When you do kinds acts for other people, so-called happiness hormones are released, boosting your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of well-being and satisfaction. Endorphin levels also rise, leading to a phenomenon known as a 'helper’s high' (just like what I experienced).
Social anxiety is associated with low positive affect (PA), which relates to an individual’s experience of positive moods such as joy, interest, and alertness. A four-week study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engaged in kind acts displayed major increases in their PA levels that were maintained during the study duration.
Kindness can reduce your stress levels
And, according to one study on the effects of pro-social behavior — action intended to help others on stress, “affiliative behavior may be an important component of coping with stress and indicate that engaging in pro-social behavior might be an effective strategy for reducing the impact of stress on emotional functioning.”
One reason kindness is valued in various relationships ranging from a significant other to a family member or friend; is that kind people are more empathetic. Empathizing with one another is a characteristic many carry, however, many present empathy while lacking the 'warmth'.
Inflammation in the body is linked to numerous health problems including chronic pain, diabetes, obesity and migraines. For older generations at least, volunteering as an act of kindness may be of benefit to reduce inflammation. In fact, according to one study of older adults aged 57-85, “volunteering manifested the strongest association with lower levels of inflammation.”
Being kind to others causes people to want to return the favor to you. Thus making you feel better about yourself to being surrounded by happiness and kindness. Everyone loves being loved.
Makes The World a Better Place
If the world have more acceptance, gratitude, and overall a happier more equal idea of how the world should be; we would not be seeing as much biased hatred towards various ethnic groups. Would it really kill anyone to just be nice?
More happiness and positive emotions
So giving is pleasurable, but what about helping? It might seem easier to spend money on others than to spend time on them, but it turns out both forms of kindness make us happier. A study of more than 3,000 people found that 95% of people feel good when they help someone, 53% of people feel happier and more optimistic, and those feelings last hours or even days for 81% of people. The “helpers’ high” is a real phenomenon.
A 2001 study found that regular volunteering increases happiness, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and sense of control over life. And it works for young and old alike: black inner-city teens who tutor younger children have more positive attitudes toward the self, others, their education, and the future; and elderly people who volunteer are more satisfied with life.
My 38 random acts of kindness: Botlhale Tshetlo at TEDxSoweto 2013
In this TEDx talk, Botlhale Tshetlo explains how gratitude led her to perform 38 random acts of kindness for her 38th birthday, and the impact it had on her:
Why kindness is good for you: Dr. David Hamilton at TEDxHackney
Author David Hamilton explains the biology of kindness and its health benefits in this talk:
The Beauty of Random Acts of Kindness | Christiaan Triebert
Watch journalist Christiaan Triebert tell his story of hitchhiking from the Netherlands to South Africa – and what he learned about the connective power of kindness:
The secret kindness agents | Ferial Pearson | TEDxOmaha
In this talk, teacher Ferial Pearson explains how organizing a group of “secret kindness agents” helped her overcome her fears after the Sandy Hook school shooting and helped her students deal with difficult life circumstances:
Why kindness is good?
Each act of kindness might seem small, but it’s actually changing the way we see ourselves, the way we see others, and the way others see us.
As our kind actions affect the lives of others, we feel more compassionate, confident, useful, and in control. At the same time, we may also feel less guilty or distressed at the problems in our neighborhood and our world because we’re doing our part to make a difference. In our normal lives, we may find ourselves feeling more grateful for what we have, and optimistic about the future.
As we interact with the people we’re helping, we may start seeing others more positively rather than justifying our lack of help by putting them down – if they’re homeless, they must not be trying to get a job. We may start to give people the benefit of the doubt, and even see a larger web where we’re all connected and interdependent.
In turn, we become a different person – and others notice that. We become more likable, more trusted, and more worthy of help ourselves, completing the circle of kindness.
How to cultivate kindness
We often hear about random acts of kindness toward strangers – the people in the street giving out free hugs, the driver who pays for your drive-through order, the angel who topped up your parking meter. But some of the most meaningful acts of kindness are non-random: listening to a friend who needs support, putting a note in your child’s lunchbox, cooking dinner for your spouse.
So how kind are you – to others and to yourself?
If you don’t score so high, don’t worry – kindness is a habit we can all learn. If you can find the motivation to try, you’ll probably see benefits right away.
Let someone cut you in line at the grocery store
Look after someone’s children
Sing happy birthday to someone over the phone
Give out cakes or pastries on the street
Tell someone they look nice
When you go to pick up a coffee, get one for a colleague
Visit an elderly person and listen to them talk
Hold a door open for someone
Find a funny or inspirational video on YouTube and send it to someone who needs it
Feed bread to ducks
2. Lovingkindness meditation
Lovingkindness is a mental state of unconditional love and compassion for all beings that has its roots in Buddhism and mindfulness. As you can imagine, cultivating lovingkindness can make you more kind, since compassion is one of our major motivations for kindness.
In this meditation, you begin by calling up the warm feelings you have toward another person – a spouse or child, for example – and then gradually extending those feelings to yourself, to strangers, and to all beings.
In addition to more kindness and altruism, you can expect to experience benefits like more positive emotions (joy, love, gratitude, contentment, hope, pride, interest, amusement, awe), a greater sense of purpose and mastery, more optimism, better relationships, better health, and more life satisfaction.
3. Self-compassionate letter
The self-compassionate letter is a letter to yourself about something you’re ashamed or insecure about. For example, it might be about your appearance, your shyness, your poor performance at work, or the way you snap at your spouse.
Start by describing how this makes you feel, and express compassion and understanding for yourself. If that’s difficult, try to imagine you’re writing to a loved one. Remember that everyone has flaws, and think about how life circumstances may have contributed to you developing this quality. Think about how you could improve or cope with it, and read the letter later when you’re feeling down.
This practice has been shown to reduce shame and self-criticism while increasing motivation for self-improvement. Repeated over time, it can quiet our critical inner voice and cultivate a kind one.
4. Change your self-talk
Notice when you’re being self-critical. Observe what words you use, whether there are any patterns, and what the tone of voice sounds like – perhaps a critical parent or teacher from your past?
Talk to your critic in a compassionate, non-judgmental way. Say something like “I know you’re trying to keep me safe and to point out ways that I need to improve, but your harsh criticism and judgment is not helping at all.”
Reframe the critic’s observations in a kinder and friendlier way and show understanding. If your inner critic is calling you “lazy and useless,” you might reframe the voice to say, “Yes, I have been procrastinating on those job applications, and it would be a good idea to work on them tomorrow. I have been dealing with a lot of personal stress, but this is important to me and I should devote more time to it.” You can even try comforting yourself with a stroke on the arm or a hug.
1. Random acts of kindness
Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests for you to do five kind things – that you wouldn’t normally do – in a single day. To maximize the effects, make them all different and take time later to write down what you did and how you felt. The five kindnesses don’t have to be for the same person, and the person doesn’t even have to know about it.
Studies have shown that this can make you happier – but only if you follow the rules. Spreading out the five kindnesses throughout the week or doing the same kind things over and over won’t have the same effects, probably because it feels routine or insubstantial.
If you’re stuck on what to do, here are some ideas you can follow.
Problem: Kindness feels like a chore
When we’re stressed, we tend to turn inward. So as we rush around and check off to-do’s in our busy lives, kindness can fall by the wayside.
Because kindness benefits other people, it can be easy to get down on ourselves when we aren’t kind; it feels like we’re shirking a moral duty. Then the excuses come in: well, I wouldn’t have made a big impact anyway, or maybe they didn’t want my help. It’s easy to rationalize away the need for kindness, but we’d be doing a disservice to ourselves and to others. Below are four common obstacles to kindness and self-kindness, and some suggestions for how to move past them.
If kindness becomes a chore, that isn’t good for anyone – would you want your spouse helping you out with dinner just because they’re supposed to be kind? If your heart’s just not in it, here are a few tips:
Make a choice: We feel better when our kindnesses are freely chosen, not something we’re forced to do. If the mandatory company-bonding bowling trip feels artificial, try buying your colleagues a coffee or offering to babysit their kids.
Get the timing right: In a famous study, students at the Princeton Theological Seminary were asked to prepare a talk on the Good Samaritan story and then put into a real-life Good Samaritan situation: as they were walking to the venue for the talk, they passed someone in pain. And the only factor that affected whether students stopped was whether they were late for their talk – in a hurry. Do you feel like you’re constantly in a hurry? If you just don’t have enough hours in the day to volunteer at church or go see an elderly neighbor, maybe opt for a less time-intensive kindness, like donating to charity.
Accept some gratitude: We’re discouraged from lending a hand when our contribution doesn’t seem to matter, such as when lots and lots of people are in need. It helps if we feel connected to the recipient and if the helping actually involves spending time with them. Maybe it’s time to stop donating to abstract charities and spend more time (but less money) in the local soup kitchen.
Have concrete goals: One study showed that having concrete goals for your kindness makes it more rewarding than having abstract goals. For example, it’s better to aim to make someone smile vs. make someone happy, to recycle more items vs. support environmental sustainability, to help someone find an organ donor vs. give them hope. The rationale is that our acts of kindness sometimes fall short of the more abstract goals, or it’s hard to tell if we accomplished them, so our expectations are disappointed. But when we have concrete goals, it’s easy to see how we’ve made a difference.
And most of all, remember that kindness that seems so simple to you can be more impactful than you’ll ever know:
Many people in the helping professions aren’t so much bored by kindness as distressed and exhausted. Caring for someone who’s chronically ill or disabled, for example, increases the caregiver’s risk of depression. Too much exposure to people who are suffering, the very people we’re trying to help, can burn us out and sap the positive energy we need to be of use.
This is a problem that still plagues industries like health care and social work, and there is no easy solution. But part of the answer is self-care: making sure to take the time to be mindful of our emotions and process our own reactions. This may be hard for people whose instinct is to think of others first, but in the long run it’s the only way to keep genuine, effective kindness alive.
Lifevest inside: By Living Kindly Change is Possible!
Life Vest Inside is a non-profit organization dedicated to inspiring, empowering and educating people of all backgrounds to lead a life of kindness.
Back in 2010, LIFE VEST INSIDE founder created Kindness Boomerang, showing how one kind choice leads to another. The film went viral reaching over 100 million people globally and inspired many kindness films to follow. With that the Kindness Revolution began!
Life Vest Inside is a perfect testament to the fact that one person can truly spark positive change far beyond their own reach. It all grew out of Middle School educator, Orly Wahba’s childhood dream to bring the world together through the power of kindness. In 2011, Orly founded Life Vest Inside, a global leader in the kindness movement.
Stephen G. Post, PhD, is the bestselling author of Why Good Things Happen to Good People: How to Live a Longer, Happier, Healthier Life by the Simple Act of Giving (Random House, 2008).
The British Medical Journal designated his book, The Moral Challenge of Alzheimer Disease (Johns Hopkins University Press, 1995), a medical classic of the 20th century.
Post is among a handful of individuals awarded the Distinguished Service Award by the national Alzheimer’s Association.
In 2001 he founded the Institute for Research on Unlimited Love, which researches and distributes knowledge on kindness, giving, and spirituality.
A frequent contributor to major magazines and newspapers including The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and Time Magazine, Post has appeared on The Daily Show among other national television programs.
Post served as a co-chair of the United Nations Population Fund conference on spirituality and global transformation.
He is a Professor in the Department of Preventive Medicine at Stony Brook University, and the founder and director of the Stony Brook Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care and Bioethics.
A leader in medicine, research and religion, Dr. Post’s latest book is a meditation on the meaning of life and the importance of spirituality.
Editor’s Desk: Rx It’s Good To Be Good
With respect to photos that show “helping” – n this research paper by the extraordinary Prof. Stephen G. Post, you will find out why is imperative!
It’s necessary for health reasons; it assists those suffering or battling with addiction, it’s very valuable for enriching our relationships and on & on & on.
God and Love on Route 80: The Hidden Mystery of Human Connectedness
God and Love on Route 80 is the highly entertaining true story of a cross-country road trip and a spiritual journey that led one young man to the discovery that a powerful force carries us toward our destinies. Written by Professor Stephen G. Post. this book touches on the essential meaning of life and the messages we may all miss unless we begin paying close attention.
The story feels to me: wise, gentle, important, surprising and enjoyable… There are a few illuminating medical & scientific studies closely examined & explained within its pages…
If I could, I’d gift this book to EVERYONE, including you right now… because I’d wish for you a similar connection to the messages that I experienced…
In the meantime, please get this book, and enjoy reading it… and perhaps you too will want to pass it on & pay it forward.
Know that this book isn’t really about “God” per se – There are beautiful & profound lessons… and is perfect for those who don’t necessary “resonate” with GOD as such, and it’s also perfect for those who do.
As I reflected whilst I was reading… my mind wandering… I had tears of joy, remembering, peacefulness…
It has fanned a flame & reignited commitments I’ve made with the healing I’ve been doing for decades as a therapist, author, teacher, coach & retreat leader.
Professor Stephen G. Post
Big Potential by Shawn Achor
When we pursue success in isolation – pushing others away as we push ourselves too hard – we are not just limiting our potential, we are becoming more stressed and disconnected. Shawn Achor reveals a better approach. Drawing on his work in 50 countries, he shows that success and happiness depend almost entirely on how well we connect with, relate to, and learn from each other. Every dimension of human potential – performance, intelligence, creativity, leadership ability and health – is influenced by those around us. When we help others become better, we reach new levels of potential, as well.
About the Author: Shawn Achor is the NY Times bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage and Big Potential. Shawn has worked in 50 countries with nearly half the Fortune 100 and everywhere from Camp David and Harvard to shantytowns in Zimbabwe and children’s cancer wards in Boston. After spending twelve years at Harvard University, Shawn has become one of the world’s leading experts on the connection between happiness and success. His research on happiness made the cover of Harvard Business Review,
Journal of Experimental Social Psychology
In Shawn Achor’s book ‘Big Potential’ Chapter 2. Lifting the invisible ceiling of potential, Shawn discussed how we are able to achieve more success, surpass more obstacles when we have other people who provide us resources and support.
Researchers Simone Schnall, Kent D. Harber, Jeanine K. Stefanucci and Dennis R. Proffitt found that if you are looking at a hill and judging how steep it is, the mere presence of social support around you transforms your perception. In fact, if you look at the hill while standing next to someone you consider to be a friend, the hill looks 10 to 20 percent less steep than if you were facing the hill alone.
Perception of your objective, physical world is tranformed by including others in your pursuit of achirevenmtn, in short we need each other!
Farmingham Heart Study
Furthermore, Shawn Achor’s book ‘Big Potential’, Shawn talked about the decades-long study in Framingham, Massachusetts. The study has revealed powerful findings of the relationship between social connections and our cardiovascular health.
In the research, they found out that having healthy individuals in our community or network actually increases the chances that we ourselves will be healthier.
These findings, and others like them, have kicked the door wide open for an entire field of study that combines positive psychology with Big Data to show how powerfully our social ecosystem impacts so much more than just our physical health.
Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler
Researchers Nicholas Christakis from Harvard Medical and James Fowler from UC San Diego took this line of research one step further. If our physical health is interconnected, they wondered, might our emotional health and happiness be interconnected as well? Incredibly Fowler and Christakis found that it was more interconnected than we ever imagined.
According to their analysis, if you became happier, any friend within a one-mile radius would be 63% more likely to also become happier. They also found that if you are currently not happy but surround yourself with happy people, your likelihood of finding happiness increase dramatically.
In short, being surrounded by happy people doesn’t guarantee you happiness, but it significantly improves your chances.
It’s no secret that showing gratitude is good for you. As well as being backed by science, leaders such as the Dalai Lama are also big fans, so it’s no wonder that more of us are taking the time to be thankful for what we have in our lives. One of the best ways to show thankfulness on a daily basis is to keep a gratitude journal.
A gratitude journal is a diary of things for which one is grateful. Gratitude journals are used by individuals who wish to focus their attention on the positive things in their lives.
While regular journaling has been proven to improve your well-being, making a point of jotting down all the things that you are grateful for can take the experience to a whole new level. Keeping a gratitude journal is easy and on the simplest level it involves making a note of the things that you are grateful for that day. You can decide how long your list is each day and how much detail you want to go into. The great thing is that it’s an easy habit to form and after a while, you are left with a collection of inspiring material to look back on when you are in need of a pick-me-up.
5 Reasons Keeping a Gratitude Journal Will Change Your Life
1. It Increases Positivity
When you take the time to focus on the good things in your life you naturally become more positive. By writing down what you are thankful for, it can make you more optimistic because you are choosing to see more of the positivity in your life, giving less power to negative emotions. While these positive aspects of your life may be floating around in your subconscious, writing them down makes them more concrete and real.
2. It Improves Self-Esteem
Keeping a journal is a very personal activity and allows you to be present with your own achievements. Showing gratitude has been proven to reduce social comparisons, and by expressing what you are thankful for, you are less likely to be resentful towards others. A study published in 2014 found that gratitude increased athletes' self-esteem, and they were able to trust others on a higher level because they had more self-belief.
3. It Helps You Sleep Better
Spending just 15 minutes before bed writing down a few grateful sentiments can help you have a much better night’s sleep. By thinking of the positive experiences of the day or reminding yourself of what you have to be thankful for, you are much less likely to ponder over your worries and therefore clear your mind for a good night’s sleep.
4. It Makes You Happier
Showing gratitude means you are acknowledging the goodness in your life. By writing these things down, you are able to feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, and build strong relationships–a recipe for a much happier life! Researchers have found that people who write about gratitude are more optimistic and feel better about their lives in general.
5. It Reduces Stress
Grateful people take better care of themselves, meaning in the long run they live healthier lives and are therefore able to manage stress in a healthier way. Scientists have found that focusing on feelings of contentment and satisfaction naturally counters stress, and leaves you feeling much more grounded and able to deal with whatever life throws at you.
How To Start A Gratitude Journal You’ll Actually Keep
1. Choose A Journal
The first (and easiest) step to starting your new gratitude journaling habit is picking a journal. When choosing a gratitude journal there are a few things to consider. Do you prefer to write in a physical journal or record your thoughts digitally? Will you be carrying it around with you or keeping it in one place? Whatever you choose, consider whether you’ll be using it exclusively for gratitude journaling or for daily planning as well. Sometimes a new journal is exactly what you need to inspire you to get started.
2. Focus On The Gratitude Journal Benefits
Understanding why you’re doing something instead of just jumping in will make your new habit easier to stick to. The same applies to gratitude journaling.
Some of the benefits of gratitude journaling include lower stress levels, a greater sense of calm and a whole new level of clarity. You’ll learn more about yourself in the process and gain a fresh perspective that allows you to recognize blessings in disguise. As you continue the practice, you’ll be able to focus your time and energy according to the things that truly make you the happiest version of yourself.
3. Set Aside Time For Writing
Finding time to write in your gratitude journal can be difficult at first because it feels like another thing on your neverending to-do list, but after you get into the routine it becomes second nature. The easiest way to maintain a gratitude journal is by making it a habit. Try attaching it to an existing habit like having your morning coffee or reading before bed. Doing this will automatically give you a dedicated time to write. Also, shift your mindset and think about it as something you want to do, not as a chore.
4. Start With Gratitude Journal Prompts
If you’re new to gratitude journaling, it can feel daunting to look at a blank page. Try writing about these simple prompts to get the gratitude flowing.
Write about a time you were grateful for something a loved one did for you.
What are three ways to thank someone without saying “thank you”?
Look out the window, what’s something you’re grateful for outside?
Write about something in your life that you have now that you didn’t have a year ago.
Reflect on a time you made a mistake and what you learned. What are you grateful for about that learning experience?
Think about someone who helped shape the person you are today, and write about what they mean to you.
Think about a time you were able to help someone else.
5. Check In With Yourself Regularly
Just like it’s important to know why you’re starting a new habit, it’s also a good practice to check in with yourself every once in a while. Are you feeling any different after one week? One month? One year? Think about how your happiness has improved over time. Maybe your interactions with others have improved or your self-talk has become more positive. If you ever need a pick me up, go back and revisit old pages to see how far you’ve come.
The human imagination is powerful, but it works like a muscle. For most of us, that power remains potential power and it’s never fully utilized.
A vision board allows you to exercise your imagination regularly, creating a more vivid vision of your ideal life as you develop your ability that has real, tangible benefits. None of which require you to believe that things will magically arrive in your mailbox or bank account if you think about them long and hard enough, by the way.
If you have a burning desire to realize a cherished, long-held dream, a clear vision is a must. And a vision board can help you develop the skills to define and shape that within your mind, something that will stay with you long after the board comes down.
The benefits of creating a vision board
1. A vision board creates an emotional connection that motivates you
This works especially well if you make your vision board more than just pictures. Make it also about the emotions connected with your vision and the sensory experience of it all. What sounds, smells, and sights are associated with a particular aspect of your vision? What emotions? Relief, wonder, or joy?
2. A vision board makes real the dream in your mind so you begin to believe it’s possible
That’s one of the most powerful benefits of a vision board. No matter what you believe about yourself, no matter how much self-doubt you have, a vision board done right will slowly begin to transform your inner belief system into one which is more confident, certain, and self-motivated.
3. A vision board helps you clarify what you want out of your life because it forces you to put something down
What if you actually don’t have a burning desire or great, big dream? What if you haven’t really figured it out yet? If you have some vague idea, something you can at least get down on the board, I’ve found it can actually help us clarify our desires.
As you reflect on your vision board each day, certain things pull on you and others become increasingly tiresome. After a while, you begin to notice you don’t really care about this. But that, well that is something you’re excited to reflect on each day.
Creating An Unstoppable Vision Board
1. Get clear on your biggest goals.
Take a few minutes to write down your biggest and most important goals for all of the areas of your life. You may choose near-term goals, long-term goals or a mix of the two.
The most important thing is that your goals are highly motivating to you! Circle your top goals. We like to focus on our top five goals spanning various areas of our lives, including: Wealth, Career, Relationships, Travel and Health.
2. Gather inspiration for your vision board.
Inspiration can be found anywhere! We like to browse magazines for inspirational images. I tear out the images and just spread them around on the floor.
I also will think of words and quotes that are motivational and in line with my goals, and write them down on a sheet of paper. If you are short on magazines, go online and browse for inspiring photos.
Print them out and use them to create your vision board.
3. Put your vision board together.
We like to use large poster board, glue and markers to make our vision boards. Get creative! Use a variety of colors, textures and types of content to make your vision memorable and attractive to you.
Find a highly visible place to hang your vision board when you are done.
Using A Vision Board To Manifest Your Dreams
With your vision board created, the next crucial step is to ensure that you are utilizing your creation to it’s fullest extent. The following tips can help you maximize the impact your vision board will make on your life.
No time to create a vision board?
Use Positive Prime!
Important Reason To Use Positive Prime
A Positive Prime “session” is a short audio-visual presentation – think of it as a vision board on steroids, created by great achievers and thinkers.
See Positive Prime in action. Learn how Positive Prime gives you the power of your non-conscious mind. Listen in to Dr. Paul Scheele as he astounds you and be moved by what Shawn Achor says.
Dr. Paul Scheele - Science of PreConscious Processing: Positive Prime Accelerated Learning Platform
Positive Prime’s proprietary technology carefully curates visual, audio and text-based messaging through an experiential mindfulness training session for your whole mind. Used as a tool to maintain peak performance, Positive Prime becomes your secret weapon to increase effectiveness, impact, and empowerment whatever your goal – work, business, health, relationships, love, family – or all of the above.
Shawn Achor - Becoming happier with Positive Prime
Shawn Achor has given some amazing feedback after seeing, using and testing Positive Prime. It truly is the future of positive psychology. Learn more at
“Positive Prime is at the forefront of the movement to combine technology and positive psychology research to make positive individual change easier and prime the brain for success,” Shawn Achor
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